


is this worth it?

by kosmokuns



Series: the heart wants what the heart wants [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Formula 2 RPF
Genre: Arguing, Break Up, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Gaslighting, I think?, M/M, SO, anyway, i love pain, im not totally sure, it hurts, um, yeah im claiming first callumick break up fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:29:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28512699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosmokuns/pseuds/kosmokuns
Summary: based on the prompt: people are noticing a difference between us, we can’t keep doing this.this pairing is becoming a favourite, but i love pain so here you go.
Relationships: Callum Ilott/Mick Schumacher
Series: the heart wants what the heart wants [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092488
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	is this worth it?

The Maranello heats wafts over Callum’s pink skin in small increments, he’s acclimatised to it in the years living here, and it doesn’t feel so oppressive as it used to. Around the table he’s sitting at are Marcus, chugging a beer in a competition with Giuliano, Gianluca, Juri, who’s watching said competition with a scornful eye, and finally, Mick. They’re at the slow end of a dinner party he and Marcus had organised at their apartment for the end of the season. It feels surreal to be sitting here, surrounded by people he loves, knowing his junior career is over. He’s in with, as the Mick put it earlier, the big boys now. He feels like the eight-year-old in a kart and the twenty-two-year-old he’s grown into simultaneously and hopes he’s made that little boy proud. He gave everything, that’s all that boy ever wanted him to do.

Marcus wins their competition, hysterically screeching into the night, arms raised high above his head in victory. Giuliano shrugs pointedly and slumps into his chair and sips at his wine, Juri pats his shoulder consolingly as Mick laughs quietly and Marcus’ ministrations. Callum rolls his eyes and pulls Marcus down into his seat,

“Calm down, mate,” He says, grinning, “We’ve still got to tidy up.” Marcus turns his head sideways to glare at him,

“Let me enjoy my moment, Callum,” He chucks the empty can onto the table and settles into his seat. Callum, sated and happy, extends a hand out to his right, hoping to brush fingers with Mick and tangle their hands together. Mick takes his hand off the side of his chair and into his lap, out of Callum’s reach, and keeps looking forward at the table. He runs his other hand through his hair and leans forward to shout into a conversation between Juri and Giuliano, a smile appearing on his face at the raucous nature of their conversation. Gianluca narrows his eyes at Callum, questioning, who shakes his head minutely, he looks dubious but turns away to join the conversation.

Marcus observes all of it from his chair, legs stretched out and arms folded over his tight black t-shirt. Marcus has watched the entirety of Mick and Callum’s relationship, from the first day they met at Prema to the days spent at the Ferrari training camps when they were first discovering each other, becoming comfortable with each other’s bodies, and smoothing into a relationship, and more recently, the hard time they’ve been having. He doesn’t know what it is, but they seem removed from each other, that the easy wordless dialogue they’ve always had has become stilted and difficult. Callum is almost back the sad pining Marcus was forced to witness for months when they first met.

“Come on, let’s take this back inside before we start to attract bugs,” He says, giving Callum a light tap and he nods, heaving himself out of his chair and piling plates on his arms. Marcus does the same and they meander inside to set it down in the kitchen.

When they’re safely inside, Marcus shuts the door behind them and waits for Callum to finish unloading.

“What’s going on between you and Mick?” He asks leaning on the wall behind him, serious expression decorating his face. Callum turns away from the sink to face him, arms crossed

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He tries and Marcus huffs,

“Cut the crap, Callum, you two haven’t been the same for weeks,” Callum’s eyes flick down and he softens, “What happened, Callum?” Callum shrugs,

“He’s been really irritable, it’s like I can’t do anything right at the moment, and whenever I try do something nice for us, he says it’s not the right time or he’s tired.” He scrubs a hand over his face, “We haven’t slept together in at least two weeks, and obviously with travelling and stuff we’ve gone longer than that before, but it feels like he’s actively avoiding it. I don’t know what to do,”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

“Yeah, and he shuts down or we end up fighting, I can’t get through to him,” His voice wavers and Marcus prays to god he doesn’t cry because when Callum cries, he goes red all over and he won’t be able to explain it away. “If I don’t get an explanation soon, I’m not sure what options I’ve got,” He bites his lip.

Marcus gapes at him, “Is it that bad?”

“Yeah,” Callum sighs, “I don’t know what to do, I love him, Marcus, but this is so painful,”

Nodding, Marcus pushes off the wall, “It’ll work itself out mate, let’s go back outside.”

They meet the others outside and drop back into their seats, bringing a new round of drinks with them.

The sun begins to set, and its heat hangs in the air like mosquitoes, it paints a soft orange wash over the sky, carefully sketching the lines of Mick’s face into a darker shade than his usual lily white. Even when he’s acting like this, Callum finds him beautiful. The downward sweep of his nose and the gentle rise of his lips still captivates him, the sky blue of his eyes still entrances him. Callum doubts Mick will ever stop being attractive to him.

They leave an hour later, Callum opts to drive, and Mick doesn’t protest, sliding into the passenger seat. He sits with his body tense and his rigidness permeates the air in the car, turning it static.

“Alright, what is it then?” Callum asks, fed up with the way Mick’s acting.

“It’s nothing, keep your eyes on the road,” He grits out,

“Something’s clearly bothering you, love, what’s up?” Callum pushes on. Mick huffs, turns to scowl at Callum,

“What were you doing with Marcus?” He says, his tone short. Callum chokes out a half laugh half gasp,

“Talking? He’s my best mate, he wanted to check up on me,”

“Then why did you come back red faced, hm? What was that about?”

“Oh my god Mick, we were talking about you and I and how our relationship has been recently, and I got a bit emotional, that’s all.” Callum says, trying to keep frustration out of his voice.

“You’ve been telling people about our relationship?” Mick nearly growls, clearly upset.

“No, he asked, because people are noticing a difference between us,” Callum glances at him and then back to the road. Mick stays quiet, seething. “We can’t keep doing this, Mick,” Callum sighs.

“Doing what?” Mick replies sharply,

“Fighting all the time, and you clearly don’t trust me because you just asked me if I was cheating on you with Marcus,” Callum takes a hand off the wheel to gesture in front of him. “You always snap at me, I don’t know what to do, Mick,”

Mick looks out the window, “You always start the fights, Callum” He says indignantly,

“Are you serious? Whenever I try and talk to you, you’re irritable and you don’t touch me anymore Mick,” His voice breaks as he pulls into the parking beneath Mick’s Maranello apartment. “I don’t know what I did,” He says quietly.

Mick turns back to look at him, “I’m busy these days, okay? In F1 I can’t ever be off it, especially when I’ve got this name,” Callum recoils, Mick never brings up his name, never complains about it either, “People are expecting big things, Ferrari are expecting big things, sorry if I don’t always feel up to giving you a quickie in the shower,” His voice slowly rises to a near shout and Callum feels tears welling in his eyes,

“I can’t do this anymore Mick,” Callum says and Mick’s face morphs into an unreadable expression. Callum has always been able to read him. “Have a goodnight, don’t text me,”

“Is this over?” Mick asks, Callum thinks he hears regret for a split second,

“Yeah, it’s over,” Mick presses a hand over his and drags his body out of the car. Callum reverses it out of the space as Mick watches him leave. A broiling concoction of emotions swirls around him, sweet relief, sickening guilt and the tight vines of soured love constricting his breathing, he pulls over on the side of a residential road and grabs his phone, tears falling down his face, and calls Marcus,

“Callum, what’s up?” He says and Callum lets out a sob, “Oh mate, do you want me to come and get you?”

“Yeah,” Callum chokes, “Yes please, I’ll send you my address,”

“Okay, sit tight, be there soon.”

**Author's Note:**

> *waves shyly* hi, i hope you dont hate me too much. visit me on [tumblr](https://toofarovertherainbow.tumblr.com/) . i take prompts here too ;)
> 
> please please leave a comment to share your thoughts, i love hearing all of them. 
> 
> stay safe and healthy, g x


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